I realize it wasn’t too many entries ago that I wrote about being in therapy forever. Before I started this blog, it was actually going to be a book – but I didn’t realize the costs involved in publishing. Also, I started writing those chapters (which I have been posting as blog entries) up to 7 years ago. And yes, back then it did seem that I would be in therapy for ever. At first my therapy was essential to my initial healing, then during next phase I learned to love me and accept who I am and where I wanted my life to go, and finally during the last year or so, it was actually cathartic to spend time with Julie, sharing with her how happy, strong and independent I had become. Then one night in January (2017), I realized that it was time spread my wings and fly. I have not closed the door with Julie, she will always be there should I ever need her – but at this time I am good. I will still continue to post the chapters of my book as I have a lot to share about my journey – and hope it will encourage you to continue on your path towards healing as well. But perhaps for now, it will give hope that yes, “there is a light at the end of the tunnel”.
I would like to share parts of the letter that I wrote to Julie on that day. I wrote a letter because I had so much to say and I didn’t want my tears to get in the way of my words – yes I’m a crier!!! LOL
I wanted to write a letter as I know if I tried to say all this, I would be bawling.
Well – you did it!! OK – yes, WE did it. I am a changed person and I have you to thank for that. Your guidance and encouragement has made me the happy, healthy, strong, confident person I am today. I wouldn’t say I’m totally cured (are we ever??) but with the tools you have given me, I think I am confident enough to tackle most any hurdle that comes my way. Do you remember when I was taking courses at work a few years ago (ethics, conflict management etc.)? Well, the two instructors came in to wish me a Happy New Year and both commented how “Happy” I look. And I feel it deep down inside – I smile all the time, I am more adventurous – for one – going to events by myself like my work Christmas party– and actually having fun!!! Yes, I got up and danced with the girls – I have NEVER done that before!!!!
And now the reason for this letter – one of the hardest things I may ever have to do. I think, no, we both know I have been ready for quite some time to spread my wings and fly from your nest. I have been putting off this decision because I feel like I am losing a friend. Without our sessions, I won’t see you again and I’m heartbroken. It’s like being in mourning. Do you remember that day I came into your office in February 2010 – broken and desperate? Look at me now – I exude such strength and confidence that people notice. And I have you to thank for that. You have been my Hero Julie, you helped me become the woman I am today and you will always be one of the most important women in my life.